This is kind of long, so buckle up.
Freshman Year
My friend* and I were supposed to room together, but I heard too many horror stories about people who were really good friends splitting up after rooming together. I shared my feelings with her and thankfully, she agreed. So I was all set to room with another friend from church. Well, she decided to go rogue and shoplift, earning her a lovely record. I called and told her my mom flat-out refused to let us room together, and the girl understood completely. Unfortunately, that left me at the end of my senior year, lacking a roommate with everyone else already having chosen one. By the grace of God, one of the girls from church, (we'll call her Annie) didn't have a roommate. She was pretty, popular, and everybody loved her, so I was surprised. However, all of her good friends were going to other universities, so she was still free. (Cue Hallelujah Chorus). All in all, Annie was a pretty decent roommate. She didn't mind me staying up late studying. She was decently neat, no rotten food or dirty underwear adorning lampshades or any other cliché. The only beef we seemed to have was, she was an Alpha. You know the type? She was one of those who wanted all the male attention to herself, and it was of supreme annoyance if she had to share. One of the great mysteries of my Freshman year was, she was best friends with a girl who was also an Alpha. I truly don't know how they didn't kill each other. Annie would sometimes invite me out with her group of friends. This was the late 90s, and they fully embraced the truly 2nd hand store look (I'm not talking about resale stores like they have today. I'm talking EARC quality. $.25 for a shirt kind of quality). She loved listening to ska and They Might Be Giants. Anything quirky was brought into her fold. One guy in her group was kind of cute, and I happened to remark upon it. At the next outing, a couple of the guys were talking to me, and even though Annie had a boyfriend, this displeased her. She loudly announced how I thought this guy was cute, but thankfully 1.) The guy wasn't on this trip, and 2.) The group knew several guys that shared the same name. I gaped at her in horror, probably looking like a deranged guppy on its deathbed. I managed to get enough breath to snarl, "Annie, SHUT UP." The group went silent and then several people made valiant attempts to talk about something.....ANYTHING. They could have been talking about the magic of aluminum foil for all I knew. The weird thing was, we never spoke of it again. We just went on being nice roommates to each other. But I think that was the last outing I was invited on, which suited me just fine because I never really felt like I fit in with her group.
*My friend and I are still good friends and keep up with each other!
Sophomore Year
Now, you may assume that Annie and I parted ways. Not so! We were still roommates my sophomore year. After not really enjoying my freshmen year (too many hours and not really having fun), I took on my Sophomore year with gusto. The previous year, I had been pressured into rushing a club that I didn't want to be in--twice. I secretly hoped I wouldn't get in, and thankfully I didn't. Even though I didn't know anybody else rushing, (a large reason why I allowed myself to do something I didn't want to do) I rushed the club I wanted to be in and got in. I was more outgoing, made a lot of new friends and acquaintances, and made a point to try and smile and wave at people I didn't even know if I passed them. Not long after I got in, Annie informed me that she was moving off campus. Now, sophomores aren't allowed to do that, so she told the school that she was moving back home (we lived in the same neighborhood), so she could live in an apartment with her step-sister. I assured her I wasn't mad and it was fine, but it did leave me in a bit of a pickle. The dorm I was in did NOT (as the Hall Director reminded me DAILY), allow you to have your own room. I had pretty much resigned myself to simply moving back home for the spring semester, when one of my friends told me that a girl I had become friends with in my club (we'll call her Lucy), also needed a roommate. Her roommate had gotten into a different club, and therefore wanted a roommate from the same club. Looking back, that is one of the dumbest things I have ever heard. I had Lucy come over and look at my room to see if she liked it and she did. She was thrilled to be in the "Sophomore" dorm, and we were close to many of our sisters. We got along, had fun, and enjoyed going to club events together (she had a car while I was carless, so it was doubly nice). We really did get along very well, and I felt blessed to have Lucy as a roommate. I was going to be on the Vienna Studies Program that coming fall, and due to lacking hours from transferring from a different college, Lucy couldn't move into the apartments like the other Juniors. We made a plan that she would get a temporary roommate while I was gone, get her hours in, and then we would room together in the apartments when I got back. Things didn't quite turn out that way (To be continued....)
Junior Year Part 1
This is a weird one. As mentioned earlier, I went on the Vienna Studies Program my fall semester. For some strange reason, I was assigned two roommates: one for big group travels, and one for our homebase in Vienna. To this day, I have no idea why. We'll call travel roommate Eris, and Vienna roommate Petunia (because it's a dumb name and I can). Honestly, Eris wasn't too bad. We really only had one problem together towards the end of a loooonnnngggg group travel. We didn't get into Florence until late, and the person who was SUPPOSED to reserve our hotel rooms finked out. One of the guys volunteered to go out in the rain and dark and found us a hotel room. By the time we were settled in, I was starving. Group rules say you can't go out alone at night (or really ever, but I broke that one repeatedly). Eris was kind of lazy and slow. She was overweight and it was hard to get her to do anything she didn't want to do. I begged her to go with me to get some dinner. I didn't know what room the other group was in, and the guy in our group was coming in on a later train (long story). She flat-out refused. I asked if we had any food, and she gestured to some groceries that we had. There wasn't much, but I ate it. Later she got pissed for me eating "ALL THE FOOD." By this time I had it up to here. I took my luggage to the train station, located the platform for the Vienna train, and marched into McDonalds. I ordered a big breakfast, and I purposely sat away from everyone so I could eat in peace. Best. Breakfast. EVER.
Petunia was a fellow history major. We had many classes together and got along well. In fact, going on the Vienna trip was kind of something we decided to do together. She would come to my dorm room and we'd watch Rick Steves together--planning where we wanted to go and what we wanted to do. We traveled together on free travel and everything was fine until I got a boyfriend. She (mistakenly) took credit for us getting together, and since she had a crush on one of my guys friends, she thought I should, um, "return the favor." Unfortunately for her, he did not return her feelings. We were supposed to embark on our second big free travel event right after returning from a mission trip. I noticed Petunia had started avoiding me, even walking super fast so I couldn't catch up. It turns out, she decided to travel with a different group and didn't tell me. I was hurt and panicked, because now I had to scramble to put together a group and work out an itinerary. We were literally leaving in a couple of days. Worse than that, she spread a bunch of lies about how I was a tag-a-long, leeching off her and she could never get a moment's peace. Her crush (or rather, failed crush that we'll call Brian), truly did have this nerdy guy who did those very things. Petunia decided that she could get close to Brian if she could share her woes about me with him and commiserate. Now I can put up with a lot, but that was so out of line that I think I went to another dimension of pissed. Every time I did ANYTHING with her was because she INVITED me. If I'm lying, I'm dying. I chose to invite Brian and another friend to a coffee shop to talk and catch up on homework. Petunia overheard our plans and INVITED HERSELF. Bish what?!
At the café, we were all working and she proceeds to coo to Brian about all her travel plans, trying to lure him into joining her group. I don't remember what I said. It was brutal, honest, and everybody there knew what she had done to me and just let my fury happen. Even when she ran crying dramatically out of the café, no one followed her. When I told my boyfriend (who happened to be the ex of Petunia's best friend), he said her best friend had remarked, "Yeah, everybody thinks Petunia is this sweet, innocent person, but she's actually extremely selfish and manipulative." Yikes. High praise indeed. You know that episode of "How I Met Your Mother" where Ted is dating this annoying girl but he can't see her faults? When his friends finally reveal what's wrong with her, you hear the sound of glass shattering--representing the shattering of his illusions about her. That's what happened with Petunia and I. I suddenly saw her for who she really was, and it ultimately killed the relationship.
Now, remember my To be Continued from Sophomore year? Here's where it comes together.
I received a phone call from my friend, we'll call her Mandy. Mandy's roommate was getting married that December and she wanted to know if I could be her roommate. I explained the plans that I had with Lucy, and I could hear the smirk in Mandy's voice when she said, "Are you sure about that?"
Well....crap. I called Lucy (who had my contact information BTW), who then proceeded to tell me that she was happy with her roommate and didn't want to move, even if it meant staying in the dorms. I'm not sure when she had planned on telling me this. Probably never? My boyfriend and I were already serious, and I had planned on having her as my MOH. Whelp, there went that! Needless to say, I called Mandy back and told her that yes, I would love to be her roommate.
Junior Year Part Two
Mandy and I had been friends since Geek Week before school actually started. Not only were we both History Majors, but we worked together in the same department. We had a lot in common, and yet were very different. She was an only child, and I grew up with three older siblings. Her parents were divorced, mine were soulmates. She was engaged to a guy back home, and I was there when the relationship sadly dissolved. Like a weird, twist of fate, her engagement ended not long after mine began. Thankfully, it didn't taint our relationship, as I believe the relationship had been kind of dying for some time. I was stuck at home for much of the time with mono, so we saw each other coming and going, but were good friends and transitioned into good roommates easily.
Senior Year
As you might have guessed, Mandy was my last and final roommate. She was probably the best out of the lot. (I guess being the best means having the most painful an dramatic exit, though). We would make each other laugh until we cried, we shared food and secrets, and we watched as the days counted down...slowly ending our college careers and my life as a singleton. My wedding was going to be a week after graduation. I did that on purpose, because I had a lot of out-of-towners and I wanted for them to not have to go all the way home and then trudge back. Everyone from the Vienna Studies Program was invited, so some were from the west coast. Mandy was my MOH. All my ex-roommates except for Annie (who had gotten married and I'd lost touch with), were demoted to servers. It was my way of having them in the wedding, because despite the bad, there was a lot of good times. I wanted to honor that. Mandy and I vowed to keep in touch and remain friends. To my surprise and delight, she decided against moving back to Texas where she was from, and remained in the metro. I moved about an hour a way while my ex attended grad school. We emailed, IM'd each other (wow, sign of the times!), and talked on the phone. One day she emailed that she met a guy and she was going on a date that night. I was pleased and told her to update me on how it went. I didn't hear back. After a while, I emailed her a few times to ask how she was, etc. Nothing. Today, it's called "ghosting." Back then, we just called it what it was--rude. We weren't communicating by carrier pigeon or Pony Express--you can shoot someone an email or message. I was hurt, but I was also a newlywed and busy with my first big job post graduation.
Out of the blue one day, I received a phone call from Mandy saying that the date had indeed gone well, so well in fact that they were getting engaged. She invited me to her engagement party and she asked if I would be a bridesmaid. I was thrilled, not just that she had met a guy and was happy, but just to hear from her again was great! I had missed her terribly. About five minutes later, I get a phone call from her fiancé. He said, "I'm so glad she FINALLY told you. I've been bugging her for a while to do so. I'm surprising her by inviting everyone for the weekend before, so she won't be expecting it." He gave me the new details and I was a little confused. Finally told me? Was I the last to know? Why didn't she want to tell me? If she was that lack-luster, then why have me in the wedding party at all?
At the engagement party, the surprise was successful. I kept trying to get to talk to her, but she virtually ignored me and would avoid me if possible. I went and sat with her roommate, who was a mutual friend of ours. She reported that she did give Mandy all of my messages, etc. As she was telling me that she couldn't get Mandy to tell her why she wouldn't contact me, I had a 'Nam flashback. When Mandy and I were roommates, one of her good friends from high school would call. I would take a message and deliver it, but Mandy would never call her back. She'd just say, "Oh. Okay." One day I asked her if they had a fight or if the girl was annoying and she said, "No. I don't know." I suddenly realized that I was the new Ditch Girl. I had replaced High School Friend and was now College Friend. I guess on some level it was comforting--that she had done this before and it wasn't just me.
Their engagement wasn't very long. I couldn't go to her shower (it was in Texas), so I mailed her a gift. I kept asking her about my dress and fittings, because it was only about two months before the wedding and I was getting worried. She finally emailed saying she needed my dress size because they were ordering online. Okay people, I know this is common now, but back in '02 this was a real crap-shoot. My sister and I agreed that this could go wrong on so many levels. I sent in my measurements, instead--suggesting that they match them to the website's size chart. Just in case, I informed a seamstress friend of ours of the situation, and begged her to fix any potential problems if they arose. Like Lazarus, they did. One month until the wedding, she finally comes to the city (half-way point for us both) with the dress. It was like a box. I asked about shoes, hose, hair, etc.? What did she want me to do? All this time, Mandy had been acting strange. It's like she didn't care about a wedding. (I couldn't get any information out of her, and looking back--I really think I was only in the wedding party because of a last minute groomsman addition). Mandy said: "I don't care. You can just pick out whatever you think looks okay."
My sister was horrified but managed to mask it well. She spoke up and made some shoe suggestions which Mandy okayed, and I asked if it was okay if I had my hair up? Fine....(bored voice again).
My seamstress (who was busy with two different weddings) managed to squeeze me in and fix the dress so it looked nice. I paid for the alterations, my shoes, hose, etc. I booked a hairstylist for an up-do and make-up. Again, on my dime.
I didn't see her again until the rehearsal dinner. (When I say I saw her, it was closer to Captain Ahab spying Moby Dick through a spyglass. I saw her from afar and she made no effort to see me). I enjoyed talking with a couple of friends from college who were also bridesmaids. That is, until one of them said, "What time are you going to Carol's house?"
"Who's Carol?"
They looked at me, confused. "The lady who is doing our hair and make-up."
That's right. I had to pay for my own hair and make-up. She had booked someone for everybody else. To make matters even richer, at the rehearsal I found that she copied all of my wedding music. It was even in the exact, same order. For as much as she apparently disliked me, she had no qualms stealing my music! But, I did my duty. I smiled for the pictures, was on my best behavior, and chalked everything up to something that I must have done, but wasn't aware of. It took me years....YEARS...of going on this sick, masochistic cycle of thinking that there must have been something that I did or said, etc. My mother finally told me, "Why do you so desperately want to be friends with someone who obviously doesn't want to be friends with you?" Why indeed? I finally did something for myself because I knew she wouldn't care. Mandy is one of those friends that is amazing, wonderful, hilarious and fun--as long as you are right there. As long as she doesn't have to make any real effort to see you or talk to you. So I took a picture of us from graduation, wrote a note saying I was sorry if I ever did or said anything, and mailed them to her. Naturally, I never heard back.
So why did I spill all this tea? I guess I did it because I listen to the middle school drama happenings at Cimarron from my daughter. I wonder if she will stick to her guns on staying home and skipping the dorm and roommate situation. This was a lot of negative stuff, but I really want to say that there was a ton of fun as well. Lots of laughter, silliness, and joy. It's sad that things turned out the way they did with a lot of them. In case any of you are interested, here's a Where Are They Now?
I saw Annie a few years ago. She's married and had 3 kids. She is a cancer-warrior and is currently in remission. We visited and are completely okay with each other, but our friendship has naturally run its course. I wish her nothing but the best.
I saw Lucy at Children's Hospital. We were leaving with Ethan after he had emergency surgery. She has a special needs daughter that requires frequent doctor visits. Again, we visited but there was nothing of the friendship left. We were just polite acquaintances.
My friendship with Eris ended abruptly when I announced my impending divorce. Her exact words were: "How could you do this to me?" (She was friends with both my ex and I). A mutual friend swiftly rebuked her later, but the damage was done. I had explained the years of torment and abuse I had endured, and she turned it into a personal betrayal? Huh? Still scratching my head over that one.
Petunia continued to be annoying and obnoxious to me for the remaining time at college. After I won the top award of my major, she quickly signed up to be a missionary to Japan and she came over and said: "I was mad that you got the top award, but now I'll be recognized for this at graduation and you won't. So I'm not mad anymore." Yes. She actually did that. They even remarked at graduation at the suddenness of her decision. She went to Japan, got herself knocked up, and was promptly sent home. (I think she misunderstood about missionary position). I saw her briefly at the 20 year Vienna Reunion. She had just married some guy and I assume she's doing well.
I haven't heard from Mandy since her wedding day. She didn't show up to my Dad's funeral, but our respective ex boss did. It was such a joy to see Marsha again.
For better or for worse, having these roommates did shape me. I have no doubt that I added my own crap to the poop stew, and for what it's worth--if any of them see this (they won't), I am sorry for anything I contributed. People come into our lives for a reason and sometimes just for a season. Would I have been better off having stayed at home? I'm not so sure. I think I needed to do what I did. Times are different. I think my kids would be just find staying at home if they so choose.
So there's the tea...deeply brewed and rich. If you made it to the end--congrats! Feel free to share any interesting roommate stories that you may have. God bless.
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