I like to give people ample warning before they read my posts. This one is gross and vile, but rather fitting with my character.
For several months now, I have been experiencing pain and discomfort in my gut. Also, instead of a normal cycle like most women have, I have been inflicted with something that I vaguely imagine is akin to the rack.
So they performed an ultrasound and discovered a cyst on my right ovary. They decided to do nothing and wait and see. I was placed on different birth control pills...MORE ultrasounds (running close to $200 a pop), until finally it was decided that my little friend was not only hear to stay, but had grown. Time for the interloper to take a hike.
Surgery time! I head off to Mercy to have my ovary and tube removed. For good measure, they fried my uterus. Not sure if that'll help any, but hey--why not? I have little to no memory of this day. I do remember when I got to the hospital that they possessed the world's most complicated gown. I could NOT figure out how to get this thing on. I called to my mom to help. She couldn't figure it out. Exasperated, she hunts down a nurse. It's a guy. So I have to have some guy help me get my gown on. He also had trouble figuring out how to get this dumb thing on. If a hospital worker cannot figure out this gown--get a new friggin' gown.
The rest of it comes and goes. But I do know that pain is not my friend. Unfortunately, pain pills are not my friend, either. What many doctors neglect to tell you is, just about any pain meds they give will constipate you. So, I have several incisions on my gut--which is now swollen. I now face the unpleasant realization that I cannot poop. "Don't strain!" they cautioned. Okay, well--what do I do? I feel like the Good Year Blimp.
The great witchery then begins. Miralax, suppositories, high fiber cereal, "cleansing" tea--you name it. A great, "moving" brew designed to get my poor insides to working properly again. Nothing seemed to be working. Until...it did. Oh my....my poor butt. The evils which burned my insides into a hellish kindling shall not be spoken of or written about. I finally called my parents to beg of some salve to ease the inferno that had dealt so nasty a hand to my posterior. Being a cancer patient, my dad had a crème from Mayo Clinic that he has for just such a problem. God bless this crème. I feel like putting it in my will.
The only nice thing is, I have been blessed to have many people offer to help, inquire of my health, and help out. It is so nice to feel loved and looked after. The kids have been helpful (in their own way!) and Kona has been, well, Kona.
The ghost in our house had given him no end of fits. He has been barking at nothing and everything. At first, I began to wonder if Kona was just bored or had lost his doggie mind. Today, however, I heard a commotion coming from the bathroom. One of Livi's toys was playing. Music and giggling. I looked at Kona and he at me. I went into the bathroom and lifted up the toy. The switch was OFF. I sighed. When you're not feeling well and having to visit the bathroom every two minutes, a ghost with a sick sense of humor is the last thing you need. I told it to knock it off. Got to get peace around here.
So here I go, trudging down the Get Well path. I am thankful for all the well-wishers and helpers. I cannot wait until normal returns to my life. Well, as "normal" as it can get. I'll just settle for a normal poo.
For several months now, I have been experiencing pain and discomfort in my gut. Also, instead of a normal cycle like most women have, I have been inflicted with something that I vaguely imagine is akin to the rack.
So they performed an ultrasound and discovered a cyst on my right ovary. They decided to do nothing and wait and see. I was placed on different birth control pills...MORE ultrasounds (running close to $200 a pop), until finally it was decided that my little friend was not only hear to stay, but had grown. Time for the interloper to take a hike.
Surgery time! I head off to Mercy to have my ovary and tube removed. For good measure, they fried my uterus. Not sure if that'll help any, but hey--why not? I have little to no memory of this day. I do remember when I got to the hospital that they possessed the world's most complicated gown. I could NOT figure out how to get this thing on. I called to my mom to help. She couldn't figure it out. Exasperated, she hunts down a nurse. It's a guy. So I have to have some guy help me get my gown on. He also had trouble figuring out how to get this dumb thing on. If a hospital worker cannot figure out this gown--get a new friggin' gown.
The rest of it comes and goes. But I do know that pain is not my friend. Unfortunately, pain pills are not my friend, either. What many doctors neglect to tell you is, just about any pain meds they give will constipate you. So, I have several incisions on my gut--which is now swollen. I now face the unpleasant realization that I cannot poop. "Don't strain!" they cautioned. Okay, well--what do I do? I feel like the Good Year Blimp.
The great witchery then begins. Miralax, suppositories, high fiber cereal, "cleansing" tea--you name it. A great, "moving" brew designed to get my poor insides to working properly again. Nothing seemed to be working. Until...it did. Oh my....my poor butt. The evils which burned my insides into a hellish kindling shall not be spoken of or written about. I finally called my parents to beg of some salve to ease the inferno that had dealt so nasty a hand to my posterior. Being a cancer patient, my dad had a crème from Mayo Clinic that he has for just such a problem. God bless this crème. I feel like putting it in my will.
The only nice thing is, I have been blessed to have many people offer to help, inquire of my health, and help out. It is so nice to feel loved and looked after. The kids have been helpful (in their own way!) and Kona has been, well, Kona.
The ghost in our house had given him no end of fits. He has been barking at nothing and everything. At first, I began to wonder if Kona was just bored or had lost his doggie mind. Today, however, I heard a commotion coming from the bathroom. One of Livi's toys was playing. Music and giggling. I looked at Kona and he at me. I went into the bathroom and lifted up the toy. The switch was OFF. I sighed. When you're not feeling well and having to visit the bathroom every two minutes, a ghost with a sick sense of humor is the last thing you need. I told it to knock it off. Got to get peace around here.
So here I go, trudging down the Get Well path. I am thankful for all the well-wishers and helpers. I cannot wait until normal returns to my life. Well, as "normal" as it can get. I'll just settle for a normal poo.
Mom is riding the pain medication and muscle relaxer train to constipation city after her fall on her tailbone in July. I'm just happy to hear about someone else's poop - anyone's - or their bottom issues. There is an, er, end, in sight.
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